you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
