We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you traded sex for a burrito?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
