I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
