Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
