I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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