Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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