I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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