I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
