I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
