Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
