my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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