Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
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