My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
