i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
