it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
