Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize