i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
