dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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