I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
