I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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