so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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