so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
