remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
