not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
