There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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