dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
