He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
