come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
