i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
