I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
