Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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