Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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