I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
