We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
