I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I hope mine doesn't look like that
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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