That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
