South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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