You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
