Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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