Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
