Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Small penises have feelings too.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
