i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
