I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
