so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
