u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
