i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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