why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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