God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
