Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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