It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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