I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
