my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We were destined to go to rehab together
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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