you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
