I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
