She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
