You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
We need a shit load of segways right now
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
