i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We just shotgunned beers for America
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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