she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
