Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I know her cup size but not her name....
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize