Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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