What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
