so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
