Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
