Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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