I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
