I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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