Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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